Embracing Autism: A Performers Journey

Often, when people think about autism, their minds automatically jump to the negative aspects - the social difficulties, the sensory issues and awkwardness, and how difficult it must be to function in a ‘normal’ society. While these difficulties are all definitely substantial parts of what it means to be autistic, there is a whole other world of ways to view autism and the uniqueness of how it manifests, especially when it comes to being a performer. When I was diagnosed as autistic in my teens, I was surprised to find out that my life didn’t need to screech to a halt; my new label didn’t suddenly make me incapable of doing everything I wanted to. In fact, it allowed me to embrace and utilise my unique perspective to my own advantage. 

Before receiving my diagnosis, my ideas about autistic people came from stereotypical characters in the media, like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory and Shaun from The Good Doctor. I was nothing like these one-dimensional characters, so I thought I couldn’t be autistic. I had lots of other ideas about what an autistic person should and shouldn’t be like, and I struggled to recognise many of those traits in myself. After some time adjusting and doing a lot of my own research and looking inwards, I came to realise that I did possess many of these traits; they just didn’t present themselves in the negative way I had been expecting them to. I learned that autism does often present itself differently in men and women, and a lot of the autistic characters we see in the media only show one small aspect of what it’s like to be autistic. 

I came to love being autistic: I love my little quirks and ability to hyper-focus, my short-term memory, and my sensitivity to my emotions - especially when it came to being a performer. It felt like the two things went hand in hand. 

One of the ways being autistic gave me a unique advantage in performing was through masking. Masking is something that a lot of autistic people (especially women) experience; it’s a way of camouflaging or altering our autistic traits to blend in with our peers. I practiced masking from a very young age, sometimes without even realising I was doing it. I knew exactly how to move my face and change my voice to get certain emotions across or react appropriately to what was being said to me. By the time I reached adulthood I was incredibly well-versed in reading people. In everyday life, masking became somewhat of a chore and something I found very taxing, but when I got to drama school, it became my superpower. I found it incredibly easy to gauge the emotions of the characters I was playing, and I held complete control of my face and body in scenes. I found it was second nature to me. Obviously, there’s much more to acting than being hyper-aware of oneself, but my initial deep understanding of my body and presence in a space from years of practise gave me a leg up in creating integrated, believable performances. 

There are so many positive sides to being autistic, but one of the best things is that emotions feel ten times bigger than they are - my emotions rule my world, and I’m very in touch with their ins and outs. Happy becomes ecstatic, and curiosity leads to being hyper-focused, and when doing something that I love every day, like acting, it feels like winning the lottery just to get to stand in front of a class or on a stage and perform. This pure, unadulterated joy is the fuel that keeps me going when things get tough and makes performing so important to me. Additionally, the endless amount of content that acting provides means there’s always more to research - another play, another technique, and another character to sink my teeth into. I could literally never get bored of acting - researching it, watching it, reading about it, and doing it. 

I’ll be the first to say that there’s still a long ways to go in terms of representing and including autistic and neurodiverse actors in the industry, but the reward of doing this will be so great. Autistic actors can often be some of the most devoted, excited, and passionate of all and bring a whole new level of brightness and expression to the industry.